eGO kill !

I find myself fascinating. Milan Kundera.

Been very busy lately, working for over fifty hours out of seventy two hours. tiring yet very smug. A lot of ego should've also been built up considering the amount of appreciation received throughout for the work and the show of dedication because as soon as the shoot was over, the appreciating part was also done with there was this very different feeling. well, after working for so long you'd sleep for as long as possible and thats what happened.
Must've slept for eighteen - twenty hours and when you get up your parents are worried about your breakfast, lunch and dinner but you are worried about something else. Something that started moments before sleeping, actually it started moments after the "pack up". This feeling numbered restlessness, want, disturbance and like always confusion. I kept thinking and without much ado "ego"the word striked me (somehow). I went reading about it.Yes the feeling was hunger for attention, and I didn't know what to do about it so I decided to go out and socialize, meet some friends to come back to reality. well it helped.
Success getting to your head is a very normal occurrence but being able to getting it out would take practice(otherwise a true genious), Its like going back to travelling by RTC busses after being used to driving your Dad's car. Its very difficult fall back this way. "fall back" its usually negated. Ego, as i realised is only what others think of you. you can only see the outside and when you look at yourself in the mirror which is also the outside and here also your reflection is just what you think of what others think of you(my acting guru once told me that the mirror lies, it made all the more sense to me now). And here when the regular dose of boosts (like it was all throughout the four days of shooting) suddenly stopped, the ego sensed something was not right and it made me feel so very left out.
If you keep this "sense" growing, the want of feeding your ego will grow and the more you feed the more hungry it gets, the hunger will grow so much that it will eventually kill you, and you will think (wrongly) that you died of starvation. lol.
example - First its a 'You', from which develops an 'I', you see a 'She' and turn to 'We' and then a new entry ' they' , hereon it depends if its gona be a 'Us' or what.
depends on whose feeding(ego) whom, and who is filling. Thats why people commit suicides when their spouses leave them because when suddenly their ego is stopped feedingthey are filled with the very leftout feeling, this feeling is so deep that the more they want to come out of it, the more it deepens, eventually dying of drowning. The one to suicide is the one filling one's ego, and the one that leaves is the one who always (untill then) believed that his/her partner was the only one, the one.
well, whatever the reason be, i really don't know how to conclude this but I only hope that I don't fall prey to this 'ego' ever.

while writing this I realised I was showing off that i worked very hard, and your compliments will only feed my ego. This doesn't bother me one bit 'cos I have family and friends to my full support.
Ps:- Thank you Von and Eddi, remember when I was back from Goa.