not publishing this

High blood pressure
High blood pressure ??? - sure.the superior feeling that rises when your'e writing for the second time and you ask your friend for some help and she comes up with "high blood pressure" is really stupid.uh?
the first was an experiment,that was me alright and showed it to some. some enjoyed it and the rest were happy. i was excited and sweared to keep writing. I realised that the blog was awesome in its own intended way. I'm not thinking about how it was presented but what it eventually did. its motive was to make someone smile, it did , really doesn't matter if it was in its sheer stupidty but it did what it had to do( my folks would be really happy if i were to achieve atleast one tenth of their expectations).
starting afresh now its about 19:10 and just back from a puja, otherwise a very productive day today. Got up early and reached film school on time where we disscussed about observing people from public places - if i had any clearer mind i'd make better sense, anyways it was very useful. Useful in helping me find my muses. something that drives me.well after the class i met Dr. Ramanaidu who was kind enough to talk to me for 2 mins - believe me that much time with him is a lot. very generous and kind. he made my day(and how? will write about it shortly) after those two mins while coming out i met an old friend from college who s now a tollywood star, hero actually, he remembered me like we'd been in college untill just the day before,we shook hands and he hugged me and appreciated me of how much weight i had lost and that i looked good and thats when i told him that i was getting into movies and he was happy about it and said that anything i needed or any help from him he would be there, and i think thats why i must have told him that he had to help me out. the chat was very brief and we dispersed. while leaving i realised i was doing something i would have never dreamt of . i felt inferior to get onto my bike parked right there. guess its okay to feel that way.no? you know what, its a much stranger feeling to write it down. :) .
whoa another moment of inferiority complex and i'm trying to keep my chin up, and i sure am not going to publish this.
looking up ' how to write better'.its high blood pressure !!!
PS.- 'i' is the protagonist, doesn't want to be a Hero and thats why its in lowercase.Hope I make some sense.

kidding myself

i hope i complete this atleast. starting with a darker shade i hope i am not dark. Just two sentenses down and i'm feeling good about it. blogging is good. now feeling good for me is very very very important. see, all my life i've been driven by MUSEs, i realised only recently and i'm about 26.i was always confused about what i wanted and i looked and looked, well i did.
Just came back from a break and now at this moment i'm not sure what i want to write, I know its my inhibition which will control, me knowingly, to write for my readers. hahaha if any. see, that wasn't me or for myself. And Again.
I've always wanted to write but never tried, i've always wanted to learn to play the guitar-didn't do, I feel sad at this point while thinkin about what i didn't do and mixing it up with what else i want to write.
with all due respect to the writers and the art of writing, i'd love to continue typing Myself.
when you're reading this you may see of my obsession with myself or also figure out by now of my confused self.
i wish i was never this confused. sad.
i don't read what others write, so is it okay to feel my writing be read.
I feel very sad now and don't want to write now.

a friend said to me today, i must write. blame her.